My life was all about my family, I married very young and by the age of 24 I had my 4 children. I lived and worked for them my whole life.
Then at age 49 my whole life changed. My mum suddenly died it was a great shock, she was sick but I really didn’t think that she would die. She was a very strong woman, a peaceful lady she would find good in everyone and everyone was welcome to her home. Her dying shattered me. My husband was not there for me during this time. He thought I should be over her death in a week. At the time of my mum’s death my dad was dying of lung cancer. My mum’s death was very hard on him as he had lost his soul mate. My sister who isn’t well herself and suffers from brain tumours helped me look after my dad for 9 months, which I will treasure the memories until the day I die. I still worked full-time and would go and care for dad after work and week-ends, my life was on hold for nine months, this didn’t make my husband very happy he didn’t understand. We managed to keep dad home until ten hours before he died , so I was very grateful for that, as he wanted to stay home. I am not the eldest sibling I am the 3rd eldest out of 8, but it was left for me to do both funerals. I was the executor of their will as well. This was very hard. It would have been so much easier if I had the support of a loving husband. But that was not the case. During this time my children were all fighting with each other and just wouldn’t get along. One of my sons’s stopped talking to me and I didn’t get to see two of my grandsons or my son, this was extremely hard. Being so unhappy I gained about 20 kilo’s lost interest in everything didn’t exercise. Then my brother at age 50 died suddenly, Still my son didn’t speak to me. I was and I am very fortunate to have great friends who helped me through this hard time. At 54 I was financially stable. I owned my home, was paying off a holiday home. I went to work to spend money not because I had to work. But I still wasn’t happy. Neither the money nor any of the material things meant anything to me, I was just not happy. I had started to go overseas over the past 3 years, I went each year with friends, and my husband wouldn’t come. My husband drank and would get very aggressive; he mentally abused me for a very long time. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. My last trip I thought I don’t want to live another 30 years like this I want to be happy I want to find Gayle. So I walked out of a 36 year relationship. I went and rented for three months this was hard as I had worked hard all my life and I didn’t want to rent. I was very depressed never did I think it was the wrong choice, but it wasn’t easy by any means. After three months I bought myself a home, my life started to change. I only just starting telling people that I had left my husband. This past year has been extremely hard. Since leaving my husband and my home I got to a place where; some days I didn’t want to get out of bed. Most night’s I wished I wouldn’t wake up, but I did and I had to keep going. It took all my will power and strength, but I wanted happiness I wanted to be content. I just had to look around and see that I am a good person I am worth being here, that I have a great family, children, grandchildren, sister and friends. I am very grateful for that. My ex-husband didn’t love me, he was just sad because he had lost the cook, the cleaner, chauffeur, the peace maker, my income and sex, not love. He soon found a replacement after seven months. Even though I didn’t love him, this hurt as it confirmed what I already knew that the love had long gone. There were so many hurdles put in front of me some high, some low and I knew that if I wanted a happy life it was up to me no-one else to get over those hurdles. I would get over two then there would be three more, I would think to myself will this ever change. I can’t tell you how many tears were shed. Then in March I made another big decision, get Gayle back. I worked hard and lost 22 kilo’s, it was hard work and I enjoyed working hard because it was for me, I also decided to find a good counsellor, who helped me find myself again, which I am very grateful for. I have the sparkle back in my eyes. I go out with friends and have some fun, maybe later down the track I might find Mr.Right, but if I don’t I am happy with myself. There still will be hurdles to get over but I will get over them. As long as I keep my positive attitude and keep Gayle alive and live life because that is what life is about what you make of it yourself.
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This song not only tells of my journey but also describes the turning point, the redefining moment in my life, when I found Christ and what that meant to me. It was written not long after He came into my heart.
Lord Of Grace (by Ian Ashman) Intro: Bb C F Verse 1: Bb F I travelled long throughout the night Bb F Seeking peace and love and life Dm7 G It wasn’t easy to find my place Em7 Fmaj7 G Until I met you Lord of Grace Verse 2: Bb F I lived alone with sins desires Bb F In darkness and consuming fires Dm7 G The passage clearly marked my face Em7 Fmaj7 G Until I met you Lord of Grace Verse 3: Bb F I walked in fear of the past Bb F In hope this life would not last Dm7 G A life I wished I could replace Em7 Fmaj7 G And then I met you Lord of Grace Chorus: G C D G You are my light, my saviour in the night Em7 C D You are my light, always shining bright Em C D You are my light, forever in my sight C D G You are my light, my saviour in the night Bridge: C Em D Shine your light dear Lord C D Em So I can shine for you C Em D Shine your light dear Lord C D G So I can shine for you I am a grandmother of two, a mother of three, a wife and a kinship carer (a person who cares for relatives children) of four. This is now my weekday morning routine, after parenting my own family, I have now taken on the role of four more children due to unforeseen circumstances within our family. Three children are special needs children, all children come with trauma. I chose to take these children in as my own so they could stay with family and not be lost in foster care.
I am doing this again as children need a home where they are loved and cared for and most importantly kept within the family unit. They can continue to see their extended family and hopefully will continue to feel a part of it. It is by no means easy, as each day brings new challenges. I hope one day I could find some respite carers to lighten the load a little and give my husband and myself some time together. Dawn has just come Time for me to succumb To another day Of getting on my way Lunch made all in a line Four excluding mine Time to get them out of bed Sit at table and get them fed As they finish they go change With the clothes I did arrange Time for me to start and nag Finally, out they come with their bag I pack each bag one by one Till eventually all done Teeth time what a stress Not to mention all the mess Seven twenty the clock does glow Time to get in car and go Three dropped off at bus stop Then back in car I hop One left in the car He's the noisiest by far Back home we go Waiting half an hour or so Time to get back in the car This schools not so far Last one goes hip hip hooray Time for me to start my day |
Life-stories Stories have been told from the beginning of time and stories will continue to be told till the end of time. Every life has a story and these stories inspire and encourage others on life's' journey. It is not how we start the journey that counts, but how we finish it. Archives
January 2017
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